-Tripeds emerge on planet Trippy.
-Largely wiped out by the Rutan, the Sontarans begin mass-cloning themselves into a "perfect" soldier society; "Achilles' Neck" overlooked.
1027 BC: Imprisoned after hair-razing experience, Samson knocks down Philistine temple.
1000 BC: Gustasp of Persia slays dragons, groans at particular lameness of pun in previous item.
980 BC: David slays Goliath.
971 BC: Death of David. King has dying visions of dopey talking dog; advisors are baffled.
951: Solomon completes the Temple; the Ark of the Covenant is placed therein.
870 BC: Shiny Trapezohedron recovered by Mediterranean fisherman.
860 BC: Sundry merfolk of varying descriptions begin inhabiting ruins of Atlantis, developing assorted civilizations.
800 BC: First edition of the Kama Sutra compiled.
770 BC: Romulus and Remus born.
735 BC: Romulus founds, or rather, finds Rome, takes helm as only someone raised by wolves can.
604 BC: Birth of Lao Tzu.
600 BC: Nuclear war breaks out on planet Skaro.
586: Babylonians destroy the Temple of Solomon; Ark of the Covenant removed and stored with the Shiny Trapezohedron.
570 BC: Survivors of Skaran war, reduced to nervous systems, survive in mechanical travelling cases developed by mutated scientist Davros.
567 BC: Gautama born, will achieve enlightenment as the Buddha.
545 BC: Xena meets Lao-Tzu, learns mystic abilities from Lao Ma.
540 BC: Vardhamana born, will achieve enlightenment as founder of Jainism.
500 BC: Buddhists, Jainists begin fighting over who's more enlightened.
400 BC: Trial of Socrates.
337 BC: Alexander the Great begins conquering and stuff.
300 BC: Tripeds achieve spaceflight.
100 BC: King Lear makes Fool of self on heath; Cordelia gets hung up over dad.
52 BC: Julius Caesar seduces a young Xena, then has her crucified. Important reminder never to play with anyone who won't respect the "safe" word.
47 BC: The Library at Alexandria burns down during Roman Civil War.
46 BC: Marius takes Akasha and Enkil out of Egypt to Antioch.
45 BC: Maharet goes to Antioch to test belief that Akasha must exist for other vampires to live. Will put daggar in her heart, throw proto-Holy-Hand-Grenade at her.
44 BC: Julius Caesar realizes he shouldn't have trusted Brutus.
25 BC: Trickster member of Gods, Inc. impregnates Salish woman; Sketco born.
4 BC: Birth of Jesus. Vorlon ship buzzing by to get birth photo is mistaken for star by three Kings of Orient.
1 AD: Sketco defeats the Grizzly Man.
29: Gods, Inc. try to shake off their accumulated darker side. It briefly escapes, annoys prophet in wilderness, before being banished in oil-slick-like form to remote planet. It will refer to itself as "Armus."
-After Crucifixion, Joseph of Arimethea will inherit the Holy Grail.
30: Zygon race achieves interstellar flight, begins exploring universe.
37: Most members of Gods, Inc. leave earth.
60: Romans will demonstrate Honour Code by ignoring treaties with Celts, flogging Queen Boadicea, raping her daughters. Boudicea escapes and raises army.
61: Boadicea repels Roman invaders. Xena assists. Celtic triumph will be short-lived; so, at this point, will the Roman Empire.
77: Gandalf awakens again. Mouth very pasty.
200: Sigurd slays dragon Fafnir. People continue to wonder why dragons don't like humans.
230: Cthulhu, in attempt to break from prison, will create dragonspawn wormservant with aid of Cthulhu cultists. Effort will render Cthulhu unconscious again.
-Shiny Trapezohedron disappears beneath Egyptian desert.
240: Early proto-Viking ship lands on Paradise Island; encounter with Amazons gives rise to belief in Valkyries.
272: Library in Alexandria burned down by order of Emperor Aurelian.
300: Time-Lord Dr. Who lands on Skaro, encounters Daleks.
391: Library in Alexandria burned down under Theodosius I. Insurance premiums skyrocket.
476: A Zygon spaceship crashes in Loch Ness, Scotland. On board is the Skarasen, a half-animal, half-machine constructed from plastic wood.
500: Gandalf, now called Merlin, putteth a sword in stone and anvil.
565: St. Columba sees the Skarasen in Scotland, starts myth of Loch Ness Monster.
590: Arthur pulleth the sword out of the stone and anvil and is deemed rightful born King of the Britons. I mean, the Celts.
600: Knights of the Round Table formed.
610: Muhammed begins receiving revelations. Followers assure us that these represent the views of a supreme being, that those who recorded his revelations got them right, and that these claims are entirely unlike the strikingly similar claims made by followers of rival religious faiths.
613: Gandalf/Merlin supposed dead. In fact, resting at Stonehenge, where the cats meow.
618: Orange sunrise on T'ang dynasty; relationship between humans and dragons in China sours.
620: Holy Grail located; English taunted by French Knights.
630: The morte of Arthur, at which time, apparently, he was wearing clothing from a few centuries later.
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